101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers


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Black and White Quotes

If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions. He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger. Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again. Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

Lawyer Humor

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress. No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string. You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time. Sent by Sean Murphy The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind. Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

Will and Guy's Funny Retirement Jokes and Stories for Leaving Speeches

Mays , Thank you. When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in. Sent by Michael Being dead right, won't make you any less dead. Sent by anonymous Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want. Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it.

Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be. The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is. The four last laws were sent by Joe Crespins law of observation: the probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions Sent by R.

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Crespin esq. If you go to bed with an itchy ass, you wake up with smelly fingers. Sent by Chris Davidsen , from Norway. A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation. If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable. If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation. You just haven't been notified. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka! If anything can go wrong, it will happen to the crankiest person. Last two laws were sent by Del Ross Skarstad's Observation You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost.

Sent by Gayle If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity. Sent by Greg all good things come to those who wait Sent by Jujuakita If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done. Corollary: Nothing is worth doing. Sent by D-D-D-Dave You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water Sent by John Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard.

Sent by anonymous Long's Law Those who know the least will always know it the loudest. Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed. Hunter's Observation on Beauty: Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower. Hunter's Observation on Experts: An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor.

Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating: All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced.

Hunter's Observation on hypocrites: A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite. Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz: "We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain. Murphy's Law Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk. Sent by Zenjive Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space. Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have. Sent by Magycke Paper is always strongest at the perforation. Sent by Mike Things are never as good as they are bad. Sent by Scott Miller Chaos always wins, because it's better organized.

Sent by D. A bird in the hand is messy. Sent by Ted Machler The mud that won't come off on the doormat immediately adheres to the carpet. Sent by Jenny Pitt When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them. Sent by Mark Cheer up, the worst is yet to come Sent by Yaron Budowski If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried. Sent by Damien Hope Mrs.

Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong it will go wrong when Mr. Murphy is out of town Sent by Sharon Murphy If all else fails, hit it with a big hammer. Sent by Warneke When something goes wrong, you cannot find the solution in the instruction booklet, but someone else always does. Sent by mark peacock Everything in life is important, important things are simple, simple things are never easy.

Think about it, complete the circle. Sent by Sam Diggly who's dad told her this law after she got married. It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again. Sent by Tracey Goldstein The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, the pessimist fears this is true. Sent by what'd ya say? You will find an easy way to do it, after you've finished doing it. Sent by Ben Jones In Las Vegas, wherever you want to go in a casino, it's as far as possible from where you are, no matter where you are. Sent by Lois Weiner The wind will always blow opposite to your hairdo Sent by G B Wind velocity increases directly with the cost of the hairdo.

The probability of the toast landing peanut-butter-side-down is directly proportionate to the cost of the carpeting. Sent by Philip Hilbert Hall A valuable falling in a hard to reach place will be exactly at the distance of the tip of your fingers. If a valuable falls in a hard to reach place at a distance shorter than the tip of your finger, as soon as you try to reach it you'll push it to that distance.

The last two laws were sent by Luciano Quinones If it looks good, And it taste good, And it feels good, There has got to be something wrong some where, So be careful. Sent by Shirley Cameron Two heads are better than one, even if one is a sheep head. Sent by Robert Dion The probability of rain is inversely proportional to the size of the umbrella you carry around with you all day.

Sent by GKarlitz1 aol. Behind every little problem there's a larger problem, waiting for the little problem to get out of the way. The last two laws were sent by Robert K White When you really need something, its either not available, or can't be found. Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Brian's courtroom skills are outstanding. I appreciated the time he took to explain all the relevant aspects of the law so that I would not be surprised by the arguments opposing counsel used at trial.

Lawyers Quotes

By the time we started trial, I was confident that we had a terrific game plan and that we would win. He found a way for me to stand up to a bully and prevail. More Contact Info. Lawyer Humor. Great Quotes: Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

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Choate The trouble with law is lawyers — Clarence Darrow If there were no bad people there would be no good lawyers. A lawyer has his hands in his own pockets Q. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, lawyers only screw us. What do you call dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start! A Doberman pincher. What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.

What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? Good Stories: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. You might be a lawyer if: You are charging someone for reading these jokes The shortest sentence you have ever written was more than eight words long. You have a daughter named Sue and a son named Bill.

Your other car is a BMW. When you look in a mirror, you see a lawyer. Witness: Getting laid Attorney: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? What school did you go to? Writing often appears so black and white. The irony is this: Our bodies react to stress in exactly the same way whether or not we have a good reason for being stressed. Even in those times when we feel perfectly justified in getting angry. I used to be like that. Start believing in your own intuitions they are the green light towards your life.

America is a country founded on guns. I really do. We choose to make bad decisions or not. We have shades of grey in the middle. The great thing about getting older is that you become more mellow. You can see the good in things much more easily rather than getting enraged as you used to do when you were young. When I was young, I had a very clear point of view on things in life, on moral questions. There was a black and white viewpoint on my world. There are big gray areas. We were living in a tumultuous time when the world was upside down. Freeman produced a show that was black and white, the good guys versus the bad guys.

I wanted to be Amish when I was a kid. You just wear black and white, what could be better? One less thing to worry about. Law in Ukraine is not black and white; it is shades of gray. My characters make incomprehensible decisions until you stand in their shoes. Then it makes more sense. Life is very rarely black and white, and most people are trying to do their best. I try not to judge. Choices of right or wrong are not presented to you in black and white. I really see food as subjective. Most kids are smarter than most grown-ups.

Kids see the world in black and white.


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They look through all the garbage and see a world run by fools and dullards and lazy people. Everything is so black and white to you. Light is meaningful only in relation to darkness, and truth presupposes error. It is these mingled opposites which people our life, which make it pungent, intoxicating. We only exist in terms of this conflict, in the zone where black and white clash. We just do. We are black and white, yin and yang.

When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes. But when you photograph people in Black and white, you photograph their souls. Books bring alluring colors to our mundane black and white world. The life that Shakespeare was living was the only life he had, and he had to use it to create what he was doing. The way I was brought up by my parents and guided through my football life by the influences of various managers means that in some ways I am black and white.

The natural response of the old timers is to build a strong moral wall against the outside. This is where the world starts to be painted in black and white, saints inside, and sinners outside the wall. But then we have to lie to ourselves. To see in color is a delight for the eye but to see in black and white is a delight for the soul. Human beings are more or less formulas.

Pun intended. We are not any one thing that is mathematically provable. We are more or less than we are anything.

Black And White Quotes And Sayings

We are more or less kind, or more or less not. More or less selfish, happy, wise, lonely. I know the difference between right and wrong. I understand the rules.

101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers
101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers 101 Witty Quotes About Lawyers

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